In Taiwan, an increasing number of men and women seem to be hesitant about marrying and less reluctant than before to divorce. What changes in people's attitudes and expectations about marriage account for the differences from previous generations?
5,571! In October last year, a legislator called a press conference to ring alarm bells over what he termed the "severe social problem" signified by that figure--the number of divorces that occurred in Taiwan during August, an all-time high for a single month. At about the same time another set of statistics showed more than 1,500 cases of domestic violence reported in Taipei City from January through September last year, an increase of 520 cases or more than 50 percent from the same period the year before.
Both pieces of news regarding family matters were treated by the media in the context of Taiwan's recent economic downturn. Typical headlines read "Divorce Rate Rises as Unemployment Mounts" or "Husbands Lose Jobs, Then Lose Tempers at Their Wives." But experts such as Cherish Lu contend that the impact of the economic pressures--though placing added strains on many marriages--is overplayed. "The fundamental cause of domestic discord is found within the family itself," says the marriage consultant at the Mercy Sex Counseling and Therapy Center. The sharp rise in reported figures for spousal abuse may be related to the newness of the law requiring a recording of such statistics.
As a psychologist, Lu maintains that the causes of discord in a marriage require intensive analysis before any conclusions are drawn. Most of the couples who seek her assistance cite problems with sexual compatibility, she notes, but "when we look into the relationship between husband and wife more deeply, more often than not the sex issue turns out to be just the pretext for their attempt to find help." Christine Chuang, assistant executive director at Focus on the Chinese Family, Taiwan (FCFT), another family service organization, makes a similar observation. "I used to regard extramarital affairs as the number-one marriage killer, but then I came to realize that it's the gap between the two persons that creates room for the third one to intervene," she says. "It's that gap that's mainly responsible for the collapse in the marital relationship."
Sometimes the emotional distance is exacerbated by physical distance. "Many husbands have gone to work in mainland China in recent years, leaving their wives in Taiwan," notes Chuang. "The marriage can be severely tested under these circumstances, and often unfaithfulness ensues." Taiwan is one of the few secular societies that treats adultery as a crime, and a spouse who feels wronged can choose to press charges against both parties involved in the adulterous affair. Many specialists in legal and social affairs have called for removing that article from the penal code, describing it as an outdated attempt to regulate morality through the judicial process.
The difficulties in maintaining a flawless--or even flawed but tolerable--long-term relationship leave an increasing number of modern men and women hesitant to tie the matrimonial knot, and once they do, willing to consider untying it. According to statistics from the Ministry of the Interior, the number of men getting married for the first time in a given year dropped from 6.27 percent of the population above the age of fifteen in 1981 to only 4.65 percent in 2000, and for women from 9.19 to 6.37 percent. During the same period, the average age at the time of first marriage rose from 27.1 to 29.2 for men and from 23.6 to 25.7 for women. The proportion of divorced people in the population aged over fifteen climbed nearly four times during those two decades, from 1.1 to 4.2 percent.
From January through September last year, an average of 13,336 couples wed per month--with a high of 19,320 matrimonial vows exchanged in January in time for a joyous Chinese New Year but only 6,363 in September during the unpropitious "ghost month." In addition to such wedding conventions, other traditions affect the marriage itself. "For Chinese people, marriage definitely involves not only the husband and wife but also their two families," says Chang Szu-chia, professor of social psychology at Shih Hsin University. "If any marital differences arise, each family will speak in the interests of its own member, making things even more complicated and hard to resolve."
As a rule, the husband's family assumes the dominant role, for a bride typically leaves her parents' house to live with her in-laws. The thorny relationship between the wife and her mother-in-law has long been a Gordian knot for Chinese couples. "Women who had been taught to obey their mothers-in-law naturally expect the same obedience in turn from their daughters-in-law," Chang explains. "But modern daughters-in-law have received much more education, and their behavior and mentality may conflict with the older generation's expectations." If the husband or members of his family--especially his sisters, being daughters-in-law themselves--fail to help bridge the communication gap, the wife may "suffer untold hardship," she says. Even if the couple chooses to move out and live on their own, a sour relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may still cast a shadow over the marriage.
In terms of the structure of family life, modern society has brought a wider variety of options for both sexes. In previous generations, the family roles were generally narrowly defined--the husband worked to support the family and the wife stayed home to keep house and tend the children. Today, an increasing number of women work outside the home and earn their own paychecks. In addition, more people are choosing to live together without marrying, and DINK (double-income-no-kids) families are also slowly becoming more common in a society that traditionally placed overriding importance on passing along the family name. Particularly in rural areas, the older generation puts heavy pressure on young couples to produce grandchildren as a filial obligation. But marriage consultant Cherish Lu argues that taking on the role of parenthood is not essential for a happy marriage. "Sometimes children become merely an instrument for trying to maintain or strengthen a marriage, which is not a healthy situation," she says. Professor Chang agrees that "childlessness is not harmful to married life if it's a free choice."
One frequent source of disharmony in modern marriages in Taiwan is the imbalance in household duties when both partners are working. "Although women are contributing to the family financially," says the FCFT's Christine Chuang, "men aren't contributing to the housework proportionately." While many wives are resigned to this situation as a continuation of longstanding social roles, others are highly resentful. In the rare instances on the other extreme where men elect to be full-time homemakers while their wives pursue a career, the husbands have to endure considerable social discomfort. Chuang recalls a case in which a man came to her organization seeking advice after electing to be the one to quit work to take care of the children because his salary was much lower than his wife's. "In fact, he was quite satisfied with his new way of life, but the criticism from his neighbors and relatives was too much to bear," she says.
This pressure-ridden husband was also unusual in his willingness to seek help in family matters. Of those attending the FCFT's courses, seminars, and lectures on family-related issues, more than 90 percent are female. When men do show interest, says Christine Chuang, they tend to focus on their relationship with their children. Cherish Lu also remarks on men's reluctance to examine how they get along with their wives. "Many men, on entering my office, specify that they came only because their wives asked them to," she notes. Shih Hsin University's Chang Szu-chia sees this attitude as common among adult males. "In the process of socialization, men are taught to hide their feelings and solve problems on their own, especially family matters," she explains. "Taiwanese husbands, even more than in the West, tend to relegate family problems to the realm of privacy, unsuitable for open discussion."
This tendency may even carry over to legislative efficiency when it comes to family issues. "Most of the lawmakers are men," Chang says, "and they attach only secondary importance to family-related laws." Some gradual progress has occurred, however. A Domestic Violence Prevention Law was enacted in 1998, directing the Ministry of the Interior and local governments to establish relevant commissions integrating judicial, police, medical, educational, and volunteer resources. A draft Domestic Education Law currently under legislative review would require elementary and high school students, as well as engaged couples, to complete a minimum of four hours of classes on family life.
A major target over the years for legislative action concerning family matters has been Book IV of the Civil Code, which tended to support a patriarchal view of family relationships. In 1994, the Council of Grand Justices ruled that Article 1089 of the Code, granting fathers priority in the enforcement of parental rights, violated the Constitution. Additional landmark revisions were made in 1996. These include removal of the father's automatic right to custody of the children in the case of divorce by mutual consent, stipulation that both parents possess equal rights and obligations toward minor children, and provision that the courts--rather than the husband--should have final say in resolving domestic disputes. With regard to property rights, a 1985 revision of the Civil Code grants a married woman full rights over property registered under her name instead of requiring her to hand it over to her husband as before. A bill prepared by the executive branch last November and now before the Legislative Yuan would loosen the conditions necessary to obtain a divorce. Either spouse would be able to sue for divorce for cause (currently only the party alleging to have been wronged may do so) or if the couple has lived separately for five consecutive years.
In addition to pursuing fairer legislation, government agencies and private organizations have been working together to help divorced people, particularly women, to lead a better life. In 1996 the Taipei City Government cooperated with various social welfare groups to establish a Single Parent Service Center, where more than 90 percent of those seeking assistance are women. Other local governments have set up similar organizations. "The most crucial thing needed to help our clients is effective enforcement of the laws," suggests Chien Hui-lan, director of Taipei's center. "In particular, legal measures should be taken to ensure payment of alimony," eliminating loopholes that have made evasion common. The center provides professional legal advice, psychological counseling, and telephone hotlines.
Chien notes that more than 60 percent of her cases result from divorce. Perhaps the rising divorce rate attests to the urgency for some rethinking about the institution of marriage. "In the past, people got married in order to acquire a permit to have sex, so to speak," says Cherish Lu. "But now since one can freely choose one's sexual partners, marriage should be reoriented as a way of achieving a true union of body, mind, and soul. Otherwise why take the trouble to marry?"